IB Movies (are boring)

If you guys have a couple of hours to kill – and you really want to kill those hours, not just maim or injure them – may I suggest a movie called Mind Walk by Fritjof Capra. I don’t really know if the “by” means he wrote it, or directed it, or whatever – but they are definitely “by” Mr. Capra. I own a few books by him (The Tao of Physics and The Turning Point that my dad gave me as hand-me-downs from his days in college) that I have read little bits of.

The movie takes place in France, but all three characters are Americans, causing the audience to question the exact point of the European setting other than a long and dreary hike through a swamp to an old castle haunted by a divorcee and her bratty daughter. It is about a politician (played by “That One Guy From Law & Order”), a poet (played by “The Dad From Home Alone, I Think, Isn’t He?”) and a physicist (played by “Who The Heck Recognizes This Lady?”). The physicist is an expatriate American who managed to pick up a very thick French accent in only a few years, possibly by living in a tourist-attraction castle with a torture chamber and a teenage girl. The poet also lives in France but sounds like any other American (he does not live in a castle). The politician lives in America and came to see his friend the poet after losing in the presidential primaries. He is emo, which may have something to do with the fact that the poet voice-overs his thoughts about the politician, and they are never very nice.

The entire movie is dialogue, with a few shots of an old clock and torture devices. The physicist spouts opinions while the politician is emo and the poet randomly says lines of poetry that the castle “gives him”, not participating in the discussion at all. It is possible he feels so unfavorably toward the politician coming to see him because after his wife left him (a pointless bit of exposition we got through – hey! – dialogue) he didn’t have to share the drugs with anyone. Except the lady he was in bed with at the beginning of the movie – apparently not his wife (unless they’re doing a Cox-and-Jordan thing)? Whoever she is, she makes his “waah I am divorced and lonely” crap seem kinda exaggerated.

As I write this, I have only seen the first hour of the movie. Twice. TOK Teacher had us watch it all period with a sub and then decided we should start it over so she could pause it and we could discuss it. I made an effort to pay attention the first day, but the second day I lay on the floor, used Duckie as a pillow, spaced out and accidentally kicked Monica/banged my head on her desk for an hour. (Monica is a very patient person when it comes to being kicked.)

The other great thing about this movie is the abundance of possible comparisons that can be made to Manos: The Hands of Fate, the worst movie in existence. (It is because I have seen this movie at least 10 times that I can sit through Mind Walk without stabbing myself or becoming comatose.) From the painfully dull dialogue in a car, to credits over bland landscape, to repetitive dialogue, to the obnoxious daughter, to a completely pointless young couple to rusty old torture devices – Mind Walk is what Manos would be if Hal Warren grew weed (“that’s deeeeeeep, man”) instead of sold fertilizer (“this STINKS, man!”). If you didn’t get this paragraph, go find Manos: The Hands of Fate and watch it – get the MST3K version unless you have a very high tolerance for suckage. It’s something every human should experience, no joke. I’m willing to lend it out to those of you who know me in real life.

I love my TOK class and my TOK teacher… this movie just sucks a lot. I think IB makes us watch awful movies (Inherit the Wind, anyone? dame el religion de tiempo viejo, era bueno para David pequeno!) to unite us in irritation and inside jokes. Because that unity is what gets us through the hard times. Speaking of hard times, I have to go fill out CAS sheets, senior reflection, Haverford application, and do hours of homework. You should go watch Manos.