I'm sorry. Last week, there was absolutely nothing funny about being in IB. Next Monday will be funnier, I promise. Have some quotes.
HT: Somoza invites Sandino over for a dinner conference -
Roi: They were going to TP Sacasa's house!
HT: Roosevelt said Sacasa was an "SOB"
Stealth*: What's that?
HT: ...son of a... gun...
Stealth: Ohhh, it's in Spanish, so it's "B" in Spanish! I get it.
Entire class: ???? /rofl
Me: Okay. Pick a nickname.
*New character! Stealth has been mentioned a few times - he's a member of the NADS and he's also the "jerk" from this entry. But he's also a pretty cool guy. Not sure what's up with the nickname he chose. I'm tempted to get Freudian on the 007-style nicknames the guys keep picking for each other. Also he's way smarter than this quote implies... usually.
Geo: Remember that one time we ate all that trail mix?
Roi: What one time?
Geo: That one time we ate trail mix!
Me: Exposition is like when in movies there's that old wizard and he's telling all the backstory about how there was a big battle and the elf died with his magic crystal and the fairy took his staff and stuck it in the stone and I'm combining nine stories right now...
Monday, August 27, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
IB Kids Use Their Powers For Evil
IB kids are intuitive, quick, and intelligent.
Sometimes we use our powers for evil.
HT is talking about the Monroe Doctrine when I accidentally knock everything on my desk to the floor. (You’ll notice most events in my life - or at least history class - center around my clumsiness.) The crash catches HT’s attention (and that of the entire class), so he decides to ask me to explain what the Roosevelt Corollary was. Some jerk says “Oh, that’s easy!” - except that I didn’t crack open a history book all summer. I have an idea but am not sure it's right; and I don't want to get it wrong after the remark and having just embarassed myself. I give Roi a quick wide-eyed “I don’t know!” look and she shrugs – she doesn’t remember either and can’t help me. I decide to try and buy some time by picking my stuff up off the floor. Roi takes the cue and runs with it. She mentions me falling out of my desk two days ago; somehow, HT managed to miss it. Roi is telling about that and how I fell off a chair at Meg’s house once. Now everyone is paying attention to her, laughing, and I’m on the floor looking up the Roosevelt Corollary in the textbook. I find it (turns out my original guess was right…), sit back in my desk – without falling! – and Roi immediately turns center stage back to me. I answer correctly, look smart, and HT continues with his lecture.
Sometimes we use our powers for evil.
HT is talking about the Monroe Doctrine when I accidentally knock everything on my desk to the floor. (You’ll notice most events in my life - or at least history class - center around my clumsiness.) The crash catches HT’s attention (and that of the entire class), so he decides to ask me to explain what the Roosevelt Corollary was. Some jerk says “Oh, that’s easy!” - except that I didn’t crack open a history book all summer. I have an idea but am not sure it's right; and I don't want to get it wrong after the remark and having just embarassed myself. I give Roi a quick wide-eyed “I don’t know!” look and she shrugs – she doesn’t remember either and can’t help me. I decide to try and buy some time by picking my stuff up off the floor. Roi takes the cue and runs with it. She mentions me falling out of my desk two days ago; somehow, HT managed to miss it. Roi is telling about that and how I fell off a chair at Meg’s house once. Now everyone is paying attention to her, laughing, and I’m on the floor looking up the Roosevelt Corollary in the textbook. I find it (turns out my original guess was right…), sit back in my desk – without falling! – and Roi immediately turns center stage back to me. I answer correctly, look smart, and HT continues with his lecture.
Muahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Quotes of the Week:
"Sushi is not vegetables."
"Sorry, I didn't hear you; my earlobes were in my ears."
"Are Jose and Josefina Schmo on their little farm going to modernize? No."
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Announcement
School's three days in and already I've got a ton of material.
I plan to update this weekly, on Mondays. Let's see if I can keep it up.
Quotes of the week:
"Don't projectile things at me!"
"Go back to Ellis Island!"
"If the answer is 'the devil' and you wrote 'Christ', you are not 'close'!"
"Inside never gets any fights."
I plan to update this weekly, on Mondays. Let's see if I can keep it up.
Quotes of the week:
"Don't projectile things at me!"
"Go back to Ellis Island!"
"If the answer is 'the devil' and you wrote 'Christ', you are not 'close'!"
"Inside never gets any fights."
Monday, August 13, 2007
How I Managed To Embarass Myself The First Day Of School
Today was the first day of school. I'm so lucky this is my senior year, because if this stuff had happened the first day of freshman year, I probably would have dropped dead out simply of a strong desire to do so.
Major props to: 5, and all my other friends who love me despite my complete and utter awkwardness.
Period one: out of an almost hour long class period, I managed to drop and spill my purse during the only nanosecond of silence. Also, I had a book I borrowed from Monica (of SeekingZoe) and when she came in, I went to return it. I ran to the front of the room and yelled “Monica!” and threw out my arms to give her a hug. Except she didn’t hear me and walked over to talk to someone else, and the whole class was watching this because I’m loud.
Period two: Accidentally left my schedule in my locker and, when Bio Teacher asked to sign them, had to tell her I didn’t have it. Ten seconds after she said “If you guys don’t have yours… come on. You’re seniors, for crying out loud.” Oops. So then she made me lie on a desk and pretend to have passed out after sniffing sulphur so we could practice yelling CODE ONE! (don’t ask).
Period three: I don’t remember what Spanish Teacher said, but, I thought it was really funny. Too bad absolutely nobody else laughed.
Period four: Fell out of my desk. Seriously. I was sitting on one of my legs, and when I used the other one as leverage to get out of the desk, I slid off the seat and onto the floor. Also, accidentally reminded History Teacher of an incident last year I haven’t yet lived down.
IB kids have to do CAS hours - 50 each of Creativity, Action, and Service. One day at lunch I remarked that sex could be the ultimate CAS activity – there are opportunities to be creative, it’s definitely action, and depending on your partner, could also be service. (then)-Boyfriend thought it was hilarious. Hilarious enough to warrant sharing it with History Teacher (also the CAS coordinator) by saying “Hey! Sal has a question!” and repeating my joke. Even though Boyfriend said it, HT associates it with me, and brings it up way too often.
Today, he asked if any of us had done CAS over the summer, and Roi exaggeratedly turned to look at me, because I recently got busted when my mom called HT and found out I hadn’t done any paperwork for CAS yet. I whispered “You know what HT associated with CAS in my case. You just can’t do that or he’ll think we’re lesbians or something. You just can't do that.” But HT heard me and asked “What can’t she do?”
Me: Uh… join mock trial.
HT: Why not?
Me: Because she sucks?
Roi: Actually she said I can’t look at her when you mention CAS.
HT: Why not?
Lua (another girl who hangs out with 5): because remember the sex-for-CAS joke from last year?
HT: I had forgotten about that. Thanks.
Me: *headdesk*
(I’d like to note that I’m usually a much better liar than that and I’m pretty good with a quick, plausible answer to bail myself – or someone else – out of something pretty quickly. 5 will back me up on that.)
In retaliation, I threatened to give HT a “gift” of a poster-size print of a photo I have of Roi, where she looks absolutely HIDEOUS to the point of being almost deformed. It really is the worst photo of anyone I’ve ever seen.
Period five (lunch): I didn’t do anything, but Roi managed to get gum (the same piece) on the bottom of both her shoes, the top of one, and her toes. How, I really don’t know.
Period seven: I don’t remember what I was talking about, but Calc Teacher walked up at just the wrong moment. Twice.
Major props to: 5, and all my other friends who love me despite my complete and utter awkwardness.
Period one: out of an almost hour long class period, I managed to drop and spill my purse during the only nanosecond of silence. Also, I had a book I borrowed from Monica (of SeekingZoe) and when she came in, I went to return it. I ran to the front of the room and yelled “Monica!” and threw out my arms to give her a hug. Except she didn’t hear me and walked over to talk to someone else, and the whole class was watching this because I’m loud.
Period two: Accidentally left my schedule in my locker and, when Bio Teacher asked to sign them, had to tell her I didn’t have it. Ten seconds after she said “If you guys don’t have yours… come on. You’re seniors, for crying out loud.” Oops. So then she made me lie on a desk and pretend to have passed out after sniffing sulphur so we could practice yelling CODE ONE! (don’t ask).
Period three: I don’t remember what Spanish Teacher said, but, I thought it was really funny. Too bad absolutely nobody else laughed.
Period four: Fell out of my desk. Seriously. I was sitting on one of my legs, and when I used the other one as leverage to get out of the desk, I slid off the seat and onto the floor. Also, accidentally reminded History Teacher of an incident last year I haven’t yet lived down.
IB kids have to do CAS hours - 50 each of Creativity, Action, and Service. One day at lunch I remarked that sex could be the ultimate CAS activity – there are opportunities to be creative, it’s definitely action, and depending on your partner, could also be service. (then)-Boyfriend thought it was hilarious. Hilarious enough to warrant sharing it with History Teacher (also the CAS coordinator) by saying “Hey! Sal has a question!” and repeating my joke. Even though Boyfriend said it, HT associates it with me, and brings it up way too often.
Today, he asked if any of us had done CAS over the summer, and Roi exaggeratedly turned to look at me, because I recently got busted when my mom called HT and found out I hadn’t done any paperwork for CAS yet. I whispered “You know what HT associated with CAS in my case. You just can’t do that or he’ll think we’re lesbians or something. You just can't do that.” But HT heard me and asked “What can’t she do?”
Me: Uh… join mock trial.
HT: Why not?
Me: Because she sucks?
Roi: Actually she said I can’t look at her when you mention CAS.
HT: Why not?
Lua (another girl who hangs out with 5): because remember the sex-for-CAS joke from last year?
HT: I had forgotten about that. Thanks.
Me: *headdesk*
(I’d like to note that I’m usually a much better liar than that and I’m pretty good with a quick, plausible answer to bail myself – or someone else – out of something pretty quickly. 5 will back me up on that.)
In retaliation, I threatened to give HT a “gift” of a poster-size print of a photo I have of Roi, where she looks absolutely HIDEOUS to the point of being almost deformed. It really is the worst photo of anyone I’ve ever seen.
Period five (lunch): I didn’t do anything, but Roi managed to get gum (the same piece) on the bottom of both her shoes, the top of one, and her toes. How, I really don’t know.
Period seven: I don’t remember what I was talking about, but Calc Teacher walked up at just the wrong moment. Twice.
Monday, August 6, 2007
Friend Promotion. Am I Internet-Important Enough To Do This Yet?
Everybody's doing it.
A good friend of mine (and fellow IBer) has her own blog now.
Seeking Zoe
I think between my irreverence and her deeper musings, together the two blogs are one of the best representations out there of what it really means to be IB. She has a lot of really interesting stuff to say, and despite the fact that I almost always play devil's advocate in my comments, I usually agree with most of what she says. But where's the fun in that? Check it out.
A good friend of mine (and fellow IBer) has her own blog now.
Seeking Zoe
I think between my irreverence and her deeper musings, together the two blogs are one of the best representations out there of what it really means to be IB. She has a lot of really interesting stuff to say, and despite the fact that I almost always play devil's advocate in my comments, I usually agree with most of what she says. But where's the fun in that? Check it out.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
IB Kids Applaud Their Parents (thus creating awkwardness)
Sorry guys, this died a little over the summer. School starts in a week and hopefully senior year will provide lots of material.
The other night was the IB Meeting, which was boring except for the Moment Roi and I caused.
History Teacher: I introduce the next speaker, Mrs. Roi's Mom!
Me and Roi: *clapping and cheering*
Entire room: *silent*
Silence.
Me and Roi: *loud laughter*
Entire room: *silent*
Silence.
Mrs. Roi's Mom: ...I'm her mom.
The other night was the IB Meeting, which was boring except for the Moment Roi and I caused.
History Teacher: I introduce the next speaker, Mrs. Roi's Mom!
Me and Roi: *clapping and cheering*
Entire room: *silent*
Silence.
Me and Roi: *loud laughter*
Entire room: *silent*
Silence.
Mrs. Roi's Mom: ...I'm her mom.
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
1000BWC - Offensively Religious Version
IB kids have minds that may be mature in other areas, but when it comes down to it, we're all the same hormonal teenagers the rest of the world is so familiar with. We're just a little bit more esoterically-intellectual with our immaturity. (see "Ted Kennedy killed your mom"). Something we all find incredibly amusing is being as non-PC and offensive as we can possibly be at each other.
During the game, we had two Jews, one of whom is also a Christian, making 3 Christians, and two atheists, for a total of six smart, snarky players.
This card is terrible. It's terribly anti-Semitic, terribly offensive, and terribly funny. (Note the grammatical error.) And I'm Jewish. But, see, we kind of asked for it, since the other Jewish player made the following card:
I have no idea what the shark attack or speech bubble has to do with anything. I don't think he did either.
Note how both cards poking fun at the Jewish players contain spelling errors.
This is me teasing Tilapia, because he works at Starbucks and apparently there's a Bible study group that meets there at 4:30 in the morning, forcing them to actually open when they open.
Roi made this after getting tired of all the religious-themed cards.
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