When I got to Mink Hollow, my brother greeted me with a “hey” and then almost immediately launched into complaints. He’s failing Spanish because he hates his teacher, and so Mom and Dad won’t let him get his license. “It’s her fault,” he says, that he can’t get his license. “It’s not even a big deal to get it – you turn 16, you get to drive. That’s just how it is. It’s not even a big deal to just get a car – it’s only a big deal to get a new fancy car. If you get an old car, everyone’s like “oh, that sucks.” Mom and Dad just don’t get it.”
The degree of bratty entitlement in those few statements floors me. I’ve been reflecting these last few weeks on whether or not I’ll come home “different,” and I didn’t really feel like college changed me until I had this conversation.
Alex blames his teacher for his failure in the class, insisting that if she wasn’t so nasty, he would have passed. I’ve met people here who really struggle with the traditional educational model, but when they have difficulty, they take responsibility for it. They then take action – giving up a night of sleep, going to tutoring, asking for help. I don’t hear my friends blame the world or other people for giving them something they don’t want to handle.
Alex thinks he’s privileged just by virtue of existing. The world owes him things, he thinks, that he shouldn’t have to earn. Here, a lot of my friends worry about tuition costs and have to really watch the way they spend their money. They work jobs with terrible hours that they hate, but they never say things like “you graduate high school, you get to go to college. That’s just how it is.”
And when it comes to cars, Alex takes for granted that he should be able to drive himself anywhere he wants. Other people don’t. Here, we schedule trips around when other people can take us, we learn to navigate the city buses, and we deal with it when we have to walk somewhere. On the other hand, people with cars recognize that they’re privileged and are humble and generous about it, doing things like driving me to the train station so I can go see my dying grandpa and jumpstarting their car in the rain because I need a doctor.
I should note that, especially when it comes to driving and cars, Phoenix culture is a bit different. It’s tougher on your social life to not have a car or a license than it is in an eastern city – but I didn’t get my license until after graduation and I managed, even though my boyfriend lived 45 minutes away and my best friend more than 15. This ought to be a lesson to Alex in how to choose your friends. If people are giving you a hard time for not having a new, fancy car, you have bigger problems than not being able to drive: you’re spending your time with losers. My friends here recognize elitism, judgment and materialism when they see it, and take action to avoid it.
1 comment:
I totally agree. Up in Flagstaff, Buses are more convenient than driving, and walking more convenient than buses. Campus is nearly self-contained, with mini grocery stores(though wildly overpriced) and every type of food imaginable. And if you need something else, there is a target less than a mile away. There is virtually no need for a car. I live off campus, and work 10 miles away with hours past the last bus, so my vehicle necessity is slightly greater.
However, from the time I was 10, my parents always forced the phrase "____ is a privledge, not a right." And so I grew up under the frame of mind that driving, curfew, friends, dating, working, etc etc were completely dependent upon what my parents thought was best.
So anyway, I understand where you are coming from. And I fully recognize the change in myself after being at college. Especially realizing that the fast-pace of Phoenix life is completely overrated. Sometimes its nice living in a hippie town. It gave me the opportunity to slow down and appeciate the things I have.
By the way, how are you?
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